Life Defining Circumstances

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I just finished reading Hernan Diaz’s 2022 Pulitzer Prize-winning novel Trust. A line from the novel stuck in my mind. (Please excuse the gender-dated language)

“Every life is organized around a small number of events that either propel us or bring us to a grinding halt. A man’s worth is established by the number of these defining circumstances he is able to create for himself.”

I wondered if that’s true?

To test the theory, I compiled a list of significant events in my life. It surprised me how many of them were driven by seemingly inconsequential actions. 

I’ll share three examples:

1. In the early winter of 1975, my college (The University of Missouri-St. Louis) hosted a downhill ski trip to Winter Park, Colorado. I had never been skiing before, so I decided to go and convinced my buddy Nelson to join me. We arrived in Colorado on Superbowl Sunday (The Vikings, my future home team, lost to the Steelers). That evening, Nelson suggested we go over to the women’s residence (men and women were housed in separate buildings in those days) and knock on doors until we found a couple women willing to take an evening stroll with us in the crisp mountain air. We didn’t know these women, and I was shy, but I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to go along with Nelson’s scheme. 

My future wife, MJ, opened the first door we knocked on.

2. My first job out of college was working for the Pillsbury Company as an agricultural economist. It was an independent research job without much human interaction. (I’ve always enjoyed my own company). After about five years on the job, I got a call from work at home on Halloween evening. It was Becky, the Director of Commodity Purchasing at Pillsbury. She wanted to know if I would consider coming to work for her as a buyer. I loved my job, but for some reason, without giving it much thought, I agreed to accept her offer. 

I ended up spending the rest of my career managing purchasing functions. 

3. In the autumn of 2004, MJ and I were at a party at Tom & Sue’s home. There were a bunch of people there we didn’t know. Looking across the room, I recognized a guy I was pretty sure worked in research and development at Pillsbury. I walked over to him and introduced myself. When he said his name, I remembered hearing he was a guitar player, so I asked him about it. He confirmed that he was and asked if I played. When I said yes, Doug replied, “Great, I live close to here; let’s go over to my house, grab a couple guitars, and come back and play for the party!” Ut oh, I thought, I’d been caught. Sure, I played guitar, but never in front of people. Long story short, we played for the party. 

Doug, and his wife Anna, became close friends.  Through them, we became acquainted with a whole new group of friends. In addition to helping me overcome my fear of playing music, Doug convinced me to share my writing with others, which birthed this blog. 

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Herman Diaz was right. In areas of love, career, and friendship, three seemingly inconsequential actions defined my life. Serendipity clearly played a role, but maybe that’s not unusual? I guess one never knows!

Perhaps the secret to a life well-lived is to simply put oneself out there! 

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