Beyond Disagreement and Conflict

Before retirement, I worked for a large company.

The company had an exceptional track record for growing sales, earnings, and investor returns while providing attractive salaries and benefits to employees.

Results were achieved by relying on expertise from specialized functions like marketing, sales, finance, and supply chain. At a “macro” level, we all benefited from the company’s success. At a “micro” level, specific functional and individual objectives drove compensation and personal advancement.

That sounds like a pretty good setup, right?

It was, except individual objectives often didn’t sync up. New products fought for attention with existing priorities. Sales wooed customers with costly merchandising programs that conflicted with supply chain cost reduction efforts. As a senior manager, I spent more time on internal conflict than addressing external competition.

It amazed me that so much conflict could exist within an organization. I often wondered what would be possible if competing functions sacrificed self-interest for common goals. I guess I was pretty naive.

Back in those days, I managed the purchasing function. Competing business objectives, differing notions of fairness, and strong personalities created significant challenges in contract negotiations. Over the years, I learned that the only way to bring a contentious negotiation to closure was for both parties to independently conclude that they were better off agreeing to a deal than walking away.

That took time and invariably involved three elements:

1. Recognizing and accepting that individual motivations differ.

2. Accepting that each party saw “facts” through different eyes.

3. Accepting that an imperfect agreement was preferable to no agreement.

With this background, I’ve been thinking a lot about the Israeli/Palestinian tragedy. How can a negotiated settlement ever be reached in the face of long-standing differences, violent transgressions, and white-hot emotions?

I successfully managed through some very contentious negotiations, but none of them involved life and death. Still, it’s hard to believe that escalating violence is the best outcome for both sides.

Conflict is indigenous to human nature. Primarily because we have not evolved beyond self-interest. The world is now gearing up for conflict on multiple fronts. Globally, there’s an increased appetite for populist “strongmen.” It feels like there is little an individual can do to quell the escalating insanity.

And yet, we must at least try!

There may not be a solution to the violence in the Middle East. But, at home, we can begin working to reduce escalating tensions.

Political disagreements in our country have gone tribal. More than ever, people of opposing views choose not to associate with one another. One recent national poll reported that 35% of respondents felt armed violence was inevitable.

Really?

It’s easier to change how we think by changing our behavior than changing our behavior by changing how we think. Small acts sum to significant change…, when practiced by enough people.

Towards that end, each of us can play a role toward promoting peace. The same three factors from my negotiation experience apply:

1. Recognizing and accepting that individual motivations differ.

2. Accepting that each party sees “facts” through different eyes.

3. Agreeing that an imperfect union is preferable to disunion.

When we individually fail to “practice peace” we contribute to escalating tensions.

But what more specifically might we do?

I believe one of the most important actions we can take is to actively search for unity beyond our differences. We can start with family members and friends. When righteous indignation from disagreement wells up, we can redirect our attention and energies to higher-order goals. That’s not easy. Perhaps its naive to even think it’s possible.

This is a great nation with a bright future. Despite deeply held differences, I firmly believe we are better together.

The world faces serious problems. It’s not a good time for escalating division at home.

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