The Silence of Being

“When silence is a choice, it is an unnerving presence.”

-Terry Tempest Williams

Do you find silence unnerving?

Does it make you feel anxious, stir-crazy, or unsettled?

If so, you are not alone. Extended silence is formidable because it brings us face-to-face with our inner Selves. 

The ego is a mirage that protects us from fear. That’s no small feat. Yet, the ego is no match for silence. Distraction helps us avoid our thoughts, which is one of the reasons we prefer a noisy and busy world. On the other hand, silence leaves us no other option than to face our thoughts and who we are.

Years ago, I spent 14 days alone at our cabin in NW Wisconsin. At the time, we didn’t have cable TV or internet, and without a cell signal, my faithful distracting rectangle was useless. It was summertime. The sky began to lighten around 4:30 a.m., and the stars didn’t fully come out until almost 11:00 p.m.

What would I do with all my free time?

Initially, I mowed grass, weeded hosta beds, and tidied things up. After a few days, my to-do list was depleted, so I decided to go for a long bicycle ride, but that only lasted a few hours. After a while, I began to get stir-crazy.

Then, it dawned on me. I dream of spending more time at the cabin, and here I am! Why am I searching for things to do? What about simply doing nothing? 

This thought came to me in the early evening after dinner while I sat in a lawn chair facing the lake. It must have been around 7 p.m. There was still a lot of light left in the day, so I got up, walked to the end of the dock, sat down, and put my feet in the water. 

I sat there until I could see the Milky Way. During that time, ducks swam over to me, bluegills pecked at my toes, and a dragonfly landed on my face. When the sun went down, bullfrogs initiated a call-and-response routine. I sat in silence, taking it all in.

At first, scattered thoughts swooped in like a flock of birds. After an hour or so, I ran out of things to think about and simply watched light leave the lake. 

Have you ever paused to take a deep breath during a stressful day? Sitting at the end of the dock felt like that. Extended silence introduces us to another world and another aspect of Self we rarely have time for. Philosopher Ken Wilber calls this the “simple feeling of being.” I’ve never heard a better description for the feeling of being alive. 

As we age, time runs faster and faster. When we slow down enough to notice, our egos produce anxiety. After all, our time is short. It’s hard to slow down and even harder to embrace silence.

After sitting at the end of the dock for an hour, it took considerable restraint not to get up and do something. Forcing myself to remain there was like walking past a plate of warm oatmeal raisin cookies without taking one. 

In silence, the eternal world touches the temporal world. Philosopher and author Jacob Needleman describes this as “the changeless touches that which is ever-changing in the direction of death.” That sounds macabre, but one of the primary functions of ego is to distract us from death. In the process, it obscures our direct experience of life.

I don’t remember what I did for the remainder of my retreat at the cabin, probably because I didn’t do anything besides welcome solitude.

What are you thinking as you read this? 

-Does my solo retreat sound like fun? 

-Is it something you would like to do?

-Or maybe it just sounds like I was losing my mind!

The last point is correct! I did lose my mind, but it was intentional. And it turned out to be one of the most peaceful experiences of my life. 

When we let go of thought and embrace silence, we find there is more to life than scurrying around. Consciousness has utility far beyond creating to-do lists, critiquing ourselves, and stressing over what might happen tomorrow. 

My two weeks at the cabin were the longest time I’ve ever spent alone. It was unexpectedly cathartic and beautiful. So why not make a habit of it? 

You already know the answer: I’m too busy.

That’s not to say I didn’t take something away from the experience. My new familiarity with silence greatly strengthened my mindfulness practice. 

If more people embraced silence, the world would become more peaceful, and more accepting. There would be less self-inflicted pain (which is always transmitted).

Too often in this modern age, we are missing the silence of being. 

An awakening toward consciousness 

is identical with creation of the world

-Terry Tempest Williams

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