The Secret Within: Chapter 7, Here and Now

The Secret Within is a book I’m writing about the art of finding happiness and peace amidst personal difficulties. 

This is the Seventh installment. Previous installments can be found here.

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7. Here and Now

The 13^th-century Dominican theologian and mystic Meister Eckhart wrote: ‘Time is what keeps the light from reaching us.”

What did he mean by that?

Frequent medical crises have defined our son Daniel’s life. There have been so many I’ve lost track of the particulars, but one early childhood event sticks in my mind. At the time, latex-containing products were ubiquitous in the medical field; it was not yet known that they could trigger severe allergic reactions. 

Dan was in the pediatric ICU at The University of Minnesota Hospital. MJ became convinced he was experiencing allergic reactions to latex-containing products in the hospital.  Doctors ultimately agreed with her and moved Dan to a positive-pressure isolation room. Dan was quite ill and on a ventilator. Additionally, he was placed in an induced coma to conserve his strength. The isolation room was windowless and dark to promote rest. Traffic in and out of the room was minimized. MJ and I divided our hospital visits into 12-hour vigils to watch over him.

There were no laptop computers, tablets, or smartphones in those days. It was too dark to read, so all we could do was be present with Dan. Have you ever sat in a chair in a darkened room for 12 hours with nothing to do? 

At first, thoughts bounced around my mind like a golf ball hit in a marble room. Would Daniel survive? How would I keep up with work? What would our future be? Such thoughts were mentally (and emotionally) exhausting.  After several hours, I ran out of things to think about and surrendered to silence; hours passed. 

This was my routine for many days. Of course, there was much to worry about, but I learned to find comfort in simply being present without thought. Looking back, I now realize this was a form of meditation, a way of experiencing life outside of time. 

Thoughts are locked in time. Everything we know references a former experience. Even thoughts of the future are constructed from events of the past. Effectively, we live in that rearview mirror.  To fully experience the present, we must learn to give up thought. 

What happens then?

My experience is that Self vanishes, leaving the unity of the present moment where I feel an incredible lightness and part of something bigger than myself. This could be a direct experience of consciousness. Or, maybe it’s simply fully experiencing life.

Every emotion we have arises from attachments. Time marks all losses, gains, fears, and sorrows. “Time is what keeps the light from reaching us.” 

The fleeting here and now brings light into our lives.

It is there we discover The Secret Within. 

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Installments of The Secret Within can be found here.  

Former blog posts can be found here by subject category and here chronologically. 

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My first book, Towards A Life Well-Lived, can be purchased by clicking this link. Proceeds from sales are donated to Peace In Schools, a Portland, Oregon-based organization supporting mindfulness training in high schools.