The Secret Within: Chapter 19, Practicing Joy In Difficult Times

The Secret Within is a book I’m writing about the art of finding happiness and peace amidst personal difficulties. 

This is the nineteenth installment. Previous installments can be found here.

————————————————————

Joy can vanish under the weight of life, like a friend you never see anymore.  

Finding joy amidst personal struggles seems futile. Perhaps that’s because joy is something better practiced than sought. 

The Art of Noticing

Curiosity is a good place to begin. Watch how curious people move through the world. They search for new routes, new answers, and new experiences. Curious people notice things and are fascinated by them. They are the first to discover new restaurants, art exhibits, and friendships; curiosity refreshes their lives. Curious people rarely complain. They are less into themselves and less susceptible to the gravity of ego. 

It’s easy for joy to slip our attention; sometimes, we don’t notice joy until well after the fact when viewing pictures that trigger fond memories.  There’s an art to noticing joy. We must be willing to practice it, even when tired and broken.

For inspiration, remember Carole King’s wise lyric, “These are the good old days.” 

The Gift of Presence

I remember a summer afternoon, up at the cabin, out on the pontoon boat with a group of friends. It was a glorious day; the crystal clear water was velvety warm; sunlight danced on the waves. My buddy, Peter, was hanging off the side of the boat, bobbing on a swim tube, pulling a train of friends attached to a ski rope.  He looked up, water dripping from his face, and asked, “Do you know the greatest thing about today?” I smiled.  “It’s one of the best days of my life,” he said. “And the best part about it is, I realize that right now!” 

Peter found the secret. Joy lives in the moment, not in our heads. 

Finding Joy In Difficulty

But it’s not always sunny. 

My Grandmother, Laura Coats, raised her family on a subsidence farm during the Great Depression. She didn’t have indoor plumbing, so every drop of water the family used had to be carried up from a spring on a hillside behind the house. Grandma cooked over a wood-fired stove in a house with no electricity. There were many hardships, but she exuded joy.

After she passed, a handwritten note was found in her bible: 

“I had a wonderful husband,

three wonderful kids,

nine wonderful grandchildren,

many great-grandchildren,

and the good Lord was with me the whole way.

What more could one ask for?”

Grandma found joy in daily life. That’s not as easy as it sounds.

Our disabled son’s health has been in decline his entire life. With each step down, we inevitably lament, “If only we could go back to where Dan was last year.” He took another significant step down recently, and we caught ourselves singing the same refrain. One would think we would learn to appreciate the present, rather than wishing it to be different! That’s also harder than it sounds.

The Practice

Difficult circumstances don’t preclude joy. What precludes joy is closing down and enabling those circumstances to rob us of joy. 

Joy isn’t about luck or finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Joy is found when we accept things as they are. Acceptance is the seedbed for joy; it’s a superpower whose kryptonite is wishing things were different. 

Acceptance goes hand in hand with thankfulness. There are always things to be thankful for; joy requires thankfulness for what we have.

Curiosity enhances joy; it refreshes life. Beauty also enriches it.  Living fully requires curiosity and the presence to find beauty in the fleeting moment. 

None of this is complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Joy is practiced through acceptance, gratitude, curiosity, and beauty. It requires being in the moment and escaping the confines of our troubling thoughts. 

I practice joy by asking myself four basic questions:  

-Am I accepting what life brought me rather than wishing things were different?

-Am I living in the moment?

-What am I presently curious about?

-What beauty is there to see right in front of me?

Joy is less timid when we say yes to life. 

Joy pokes its head up when least expected – when we open our eyes!

—————————————————————

Installments of The Secret Within can be found here. 

Former blog posts can be found here by subject category and here chronologically. 

You can subscribe to my latest posts by filling in your email address at the bottom of this page.  

My first book, Towards A Life Well-Lived, can be purchased by clicking this link. Proceeds from sales are donated to Peace In Schools, a Portland, Oregon-based organization supporting mindfulness training in high schools.