Chapter 20: The Importance of Questions

The Secret Within is a book I’m writing about the art of finding happiness and peace amidst personal difficulties. 

This is the 20th installment. Previous installments can be found here.

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Chapter 20: The Importance of Questions 

What if the quality of your life depended not on the answers you find but on the questions you ask? 

I believe it does! 

I’ve got a buddy who’s living Groundhog’s Day. Remember the movie starring Bill Murray? Murray’s alarm goes off at the same time every morning; he rises and takes the same groggy look in the mirror, drinks the same cup of coffee, and later exchanges the same banal greetings with colleagues day after day. 

If your best stories harken back to your youth, and your current stories are peppered with aches and pains, you, too, might be living Groundhog Day. 

I’ve always felt that attitude determines altitude. I’d rather hang out with someone seeking new answers to new questions than someone who’s set in their ways and living Groundhog Day. But here’s the problem: We all get set in our ways. 

Comfort is a dangerous mirage. 

In Shawshank Redemption, Andy Dufresne summed it up, “I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying.” 

This is where questions become essential! 

The best questions are those we don’t have ready answers for, like “What is my purpose?” or “What does a life well-lived mean for me?” Failure to ask such questions leads to the same old, same old.  The questions we ask today determine our tomorrows.  

Here’s an example:

I’ve been active all my life, but rigor mortis has set in during the last decade. Some coins fell from my pocket and onto the pavement the other day. As I contemplated the effort of bending down—with painful knees and a strained lower back– to pick them up, I muttered, ‘Screw it!’ and walked away. The former me would never have done that.

That triggered a question: “Why am I stiff?”

After some investigation, I made an appointment with a chiropractor, who told me that my spine was locked up. No wonder it was difficult to bend down! The chiropractor offered a plan to help restore flexibility. I bought into it, and my stiffness improved.

I wondered if more could be gained, so I pressed the question. 

Evidently, our muscles atrophy with age, impairing flexibility. So, I engaged a strength conditioning trainer— more time, effort, and expense, but my strength and flexibility improved. Weight training energized me. In fact, I felt a lot better getting out of bed in the morning.  My stiffness question was propelling me forward. Was there even more to be gained? 

My chiropractor, whom I now see regularly, suggested taking a yoga class or working with a flexologist (I didn’t know that was a thing!). Since I couldn’t see myself donning leotards with a group of gray hairs, I went the flexologist route, which also helped. 

Have I regained the flexibility of my youth? No, but I’m much more flexible than I was.

Pressing questions set our lives on a path. Otherwise, we settle for atrophy and decline. 

Let’s kick that up a notch. 

Our family was not blessed with health. Watching a parent’s decline is heart-wrenching; watching your child’s decline is worse. Happiness can be a serious problem under the weight of life. I searched for a question to help move me beyond our trying circumstances and landed on the following: 

How can I transcend the pain of circumstances I can’t change to experience joy?

It’s a serious question that invites serious reflection. Chapter 19, Finding Joy In Difficult Times, is my provisional answer. I say provisional because it’s a work in progress.  

Our willingness to ask difficult questions speaks to the heart of our values: What’s more important, what we know or what we might learn? One answer leads to stasis and atrophy, while the other leads to discovery and transcendence. The choice is ours.  

What question is propelling your life forward? What mysteries are you chasing that make getting out of bed a new adventure?

Your answer shapes the life you will live.

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Installments of The Secret Within can be found here. 

Former blog posts can be found here by subject category and here chronologically. 

You can subscribe to my latest posts by filling in your email address at the bottom of this page.  

My first book, Towards A Life Well-Lived, can be purchased by clicking this link. Proceeds from sales are donated to Peace In Schools, a Portland, Oregon-based organization supporting mindfulness training in high schools.