Values, Beliefs, and Listening To Grandma

For the past 5 months, I’ve posted draft chapters of my forthcoming book, The Secret Within. I’m probably about half-finished, which is a good time to pause and review. While doing that, weekly posts will cover some broader topics.

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Values, Beliefs and Listening To Grandma

This week, I’m thinking about my Grandmother, whom I have written about many times. 

After leaving the farm when Grandpa died, she moved to a little five-room concrete block house in town. Everybody knew her name, as evidenced by how I addressed my letters to her: 

Grandma Coats, 

Pekin, Indiana 47165 

On one childhood visit, I awoke before the rest of the family and joined her in the kitchen. It wasn’t yet light outside (Grandma never let the sun catch her in bed). She was frying bacon in a cast iron skillet, and I could smell baking powder biscuits in the oven.

I sat on a tall, uncomfortable metal stool next to the stove. There was warmth in her presence. That morning, Grandma told me about “an old woman who lived back the ridge.”  She was terminally ill and bedridden. The woman told her grandchildren to fetch some fertilized eggs from the hen house and bring them to her. She then carefully placed the eggs around her body under the covers, saying, “I can’t do much anymore, but I can at least hatch these chicks.”

“Isn’t that something?” Grandma said. “That poor old woman still wanted to be useful!”  

Was Grandma reminiscing or imparting wisdom? Either way, I’ve remembered that story for 60 years. Grandma never proselytized, and yet, discussions with her had a material impact on my development. I was lucky; by age 12, my beliefs and values were unshakeable. Here’s a list I might have made at the time:

Beliefs and Values

Age 12

1. A man’s word is his bond. Nothing is more important than honesty.

2. Respect and listen to elders, teachers, and people in authority

3. Work hard. What I accomplish is up to me. 

4. Education will define my options and potential. 

5. Laws are black and white and to be obeyed.  The judicial system is fair and impartial. 

6. Free enterprise is the most successful economic system ever developed.

7. Democracy is the greatest form of government.

8. America is the greatest country because we are free. 

9. The President of the United States is a great man. He deserves our respect.

10. Marriage is forever.

11. The most powerful unit of government is the family.

12. There is a God. 

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Some of my beliefs were naive; others were fantasy. Do I agree with them all today? In a word, no! But that’s not the point! Values were a critical component of my upbringing. They were specific, sacrosanct, and not subject to words like “It depends.” My parents, grandmother, teachers, and minister helped shape my values and beliefs, and the institutions of the day reinforced them. 

Age twelve is an event horizon. It’s an age when we begin rapidly leaving childhood and entering adulthood. By age twelve, my character was anchored to a strong foundation.

What values are children being taught today? Who is teaching them? What examples are our institutional leaders providing? There has yet to be a cohort of elders who have not despaired over perceived societal degradation and its impact on youth, I include myself among them. 

I recently saw an internet meme that claimed, “Karma is only a bitch if you are.” In other words, we reap what we sow. What leadership examples are being presented to children today?  Values seem to have shrunk in importance, maybe the next generation will correct that?  If that phoenix is to rise, it will be on the wings of character. 

I’ll reach the ripe old age of three-score and ten this month. It’s fair to say, “I’ve looked at life from both sides now.” My core beliefs from age twelve are still relevant, however, a similar list today would be more nuanced, less dogmatic, and perhaps more expansive. I decided to take a shot at writing one:. 

This I Believe

Age 70

1. There is a right and wrong, and it’s not relativistic.

2. Free enterprise is the best economic system because it comes closest to providing equality of opportunity. It does not guarantee equality of outcomes, which is as it should be. “If the people are free, they are not equal; and if the people are equal, they are not free.” -Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

3. Character is the most important component of identity; the rest is politics. 

4. People and organizations prioritize self-interest. Checks and balances must be established to prevent abuse.  

5. Things take time. 

6. The pull to union is the greatest force in the universe. Love is its greatest manifestation.

7. Discipline separates aspirations from accomplishments. 

8. Democracy is the best form of government, but it can deliver a rough ride. 

9. Certainty leads to violence. It’s best to keep an open mind.

10. The right questions are more important than correct answers.

11. Life is more than molecules, but religion is a poor substitute for Spirituality. 

12. The future bends toward progress; It’s wise to be optimistic.

It’s not a bad idea to write down one’s values and beliefs and then take them out and read them occasionally. When we take the time to examine ourselves, the mirror is a pretty good judge of character.  

I’m thankful for the upbringing my parents and grandmother gave me. I’m grateful for my teachers and the kindness of my early childhood minister. Hopefully, I am paying them forward. 

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Installments of The Secret Within can be found here. 

Former blog posts can be found here by subject category and here chronologically. 

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My first book, Towards A Life Well-Lived, can be purchased by clicking this link. Proceeds from sales are donated to Peace In Schools, a Portland, Oregon-based organization supporting mindfulness training in high schools.