Escape

Who doesn’t like to escape?

During Spring break, traffic is noticeably lighter in Minneapolis as residents vacate the northland for a brief respite in warmer destinations.

Escape takes many forms. I enjoy sitting down with a cocktail at the end of the day. It’s not the healthiest thing I could do, but it’s a nice escape.

Back in the day, I took Highway 100 North to work. When I came to my turnoff at the 394 interchange, I thought: “If I continued North, I would be headed toward the cabin.”  I dreamed of escaping. 

Who doesn’t dream of escape?

But escape takes a toll. Driving up to the cabin every weekend, MJ had to pack the car, corral the kids, and pick me up at work for the three-hour-plus drive in rush-hour traffic. If we stopped for dinner, it was 9:30 pm or later on Friday evening before we arrived. Then, less than 48 hours later, the process was reversed. We did that for fourteen years.

Vacations were similar. Lots of prep and considerable hassle for a few stress-free days. As the saying goes, it was “a long walk for a short slide.”

Everyone’s life is filled with things they’d like to escape from: laundry, house cleaning, yardwork, bills, doctor visits, car repairs—the list is endless. But life is made of such things. Our precious hours of escape never balance the scales. 

Still, there are times when escape can feel lifesaving. We recently transitioned our disabled son to 24-hour nursing care. As hard as that is emotionally, it allows MJ and me to escape round-the-clock care duties. We hadn’t been to the cabin for six months, so we headed north. 

On our drive to the cabin, I wondered what I was escaping from—everyday life? If a doctor told me I only had 6 months to live, I’m guessing that the things that stress me out today wouldn’t amount to much. I might sit quietly, marveling at the chaos and wondering why I haven’t spent more time appreciating life’s beauty.

Poor health or the loss of a loved one brings such thoughts into sharp focus.

After thinking about it, I concluded that the need to escape stems from built-up frustrations from things not going according to plan, or in short, not getting one’s way. A better solution would be to focus on accepting what does come our way.

Years ago, I attended a management team-building retreat. One of the exercises involved a high ropes course. It’s the rare person who isn’t afraid of heights. I suppose the event’s purpose was to unite us through a shared experience of fear. Safety ropes were attached loosely behind us so we wouldn’t see or feel their presence. I hate heights and found the exercise terrifying. There’s one experience in particular that stuck with me.

It involved walking a 4-inch-wide, 12-foot-long beam positioned 40 feet off the ground. As my turn approached, I felt a knot building in my stomach; then it started to rain. The instructor looked me in the eye and said, “When you get to the beam, instead of fighting your fear, embrace it…let it fill you with the fullness of life!”

I climbed the ladder to the beam, stood on the tiny platform, and looked down. I was petrified, but rather than fighting my fear, I accepted it, letting it completely fill me. After a few deep breaths, a calm settled over me, and I walked across the slippery beam in the rain.

The experience offers a metaphor for life.

I’ve practiced meditation for twenty years. It produces a profound state of relaxation, but the relaxed state is hard to maintain. Recently, I’ve made a concerted effort to bring mindfulness to daily activities. I’m not very good at it, but I’m making progress, such as catching myself before boiling over when a telephone call drops during a long hold.

Maybe we don’t need to escape as much as we think. Life is a “full meal deal.” Routine frustration and loss are always on the menu. Challenges that come our way are not unlike walking a slippery beam in the rain. At such times, we are better off accepting life and embracing it. 

If I could learn to do that, there would be less need for escape.

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My first book, Towards A Life Well-Lived, can be purchased by clicking this link. Proceeds from sales are donated to Peace In Schools, a Portland, Oregon-based organization that supports mindfulness training in high schools.