I formerly held a stressful executive job. When I retired, I expected my stress level to plummet.
It didn’t exactly work out that way.
It turns out, we manufacture our own stress, most often, when things don’t go our way.
I’m not sure why we expect life to always go our way. But it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t, we stress out. Stress is essentially the adult version of a two-year-old’s tantrum, only the outbursts are held inside. Realizing this and then doing something about it are, of course, two different things.
I’ve been working on becoming more chill for a long time. No one would mistake me for Gandhi, but I’ve made significant progress in bringing inner peace to my life.
Since most people are stressed to some degree, I thought I would offer up my approaches in case they might be helpful in your life.
Proactive Stress Management
This is about creating personal balance. Balance is not a design feature of American life; we prefer extremes, either scurrying around like rats or chilling by a lake or beach. Planning is required in our busy lives to achieve balance. There are three components: The Body, The Mind, and The Spirit.
The first issue I encountered when endeavoring to create a better life balance was time. My days were (and remain) packed with obligations. Who has time for balance?
If the solution to that dilemma were easy, more people would be living peaceful lives. The answer I found was to get up earlier. No one likes pulling themselves out of bed. My former practice was to stay in bed as late as possible, getting up just in time to shower and make it to work. Busy days and family obligations left no time for life balance. My only option was to get up before dawn. That was hard. But once I made personal balance a priority, I followed through.
That was twenty-five years ago; now I can’t sleep in, even when I try. I read somewhere that the purpose of a habit is to save yourself the trouble of making a decision. That’s the way it worked for me.
If you’re interested in creating a greater life balance, here’s my current approach to give you some ideas:
The Body
For years, I was a runner, then a cyclist. My greatest challenge now is flexibility, so upon waking, I stretch for 20 minutes every morning. After doing a few fitness exercises like push-ups, toe touches, and planks, I go for a 30-minute walk at a brisk enough pace to break a sweat. It’s beautiful in the early morning light of summer, but it’s a bitch in the frigid darkness of winter. I’m not good at making gym memberships pay off, so I suffer the consequences when the temperature drops.
Physical exercise releases pent-up psychic energy. It turns out that what’s good for the body also helps the mind. Physical exercise brings me peace.
The Mind
I spend time every day writing. Coming up with a blog post each week forces me to focus on positive things beyond Self-interest. I am also an avid reader.
If writing or reading isn’t your thing, find a hobby you can engage in on a daily basis, like taking up a musical instrument or something artistic. I’ve noticed that people with hobbies and other outside interests have a more positive outlook on life.
Spirit. Spirit is usually associated with religious observance. I am not religious, but Spirit is a vital component of my personal balance. Allow me to explain:
I experience Spirit as energy in a relationship. Sadly, it’s easily overlooked because we are rarely truly present. Whether we admit it or not, we are naturally self-absorbed. Spiritual development requires a shift in focus.
My practice has two elements: The first is daily reading of inspirational literature. I usually do this upon waking before dawn. I am especially fond of the mystics; their focus on pursuing union with life resonates with me. Examples include: Meister Eckhart, Rumi, Martin Buber, Ken Wilber, Richard Rohr, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Eckhart Tolle. Mystics appear throughout the ages in many cultures and across a variety of religious traditions.
Secondly, I practice seated meditation, which opens me to relational energy and helps me progress along the journey from Me to We to One.
In summary, developing personal balance requires routines to engage body, mind, and Spirit. Specific techniques are not important, but daily practice is essential.
Reactive Stress Management
This is a relatively new addition to my practice of inner peace, having started it only six years ago.
Reactive Stress Management taps into the wisdom of awareness. That might sound funny, but it involves learning to watch my response in stress-producing circumstances. At such times, I watch my reactions at a granular level, including the tightening of chest muscles, increased pulse, warmth rising up my neck, and feelings of irritation, anger, and/or helplessness. Using the analogy of movie-making, when watching my reactions, rather than being an actor caught up in a role, I shift my focus to that of a Director watching a scene.
When practicing this approach, I am careful not to criticize or judge my behaviors and feelings, nor do I search for solutions or behavior modifications; instead, I simply watch. Awareness carries inner wisdom passed down through the millennia of evolution. It’s hard to be mindful when you are upset, but when I watch my awareness, a calmness settles over me. The results have been quite surprising. I’ve found that becoming aware of one’s awareness is a superpower.
In closing, finding peace amidst the chaos of life requires greater balance and awareness. The discipline of routines is essential. Experimentation will help you decide the best approach for you. Such efforts are handsomely rewarded!
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*I fully address the subject of pursuing inner peace in my new book, The Secret Within.
If you are new to this blog, each Sunday, I post a topic relevant to the pursuit of a life well-lived, defined as: Experiencing happiness that is resilient to difficult circumstances, seeing where we “fit in,” and feeling accepted just as we are.
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Former blog posts can be found here by subject category and here in chronological order.